I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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