My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
