is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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