So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
In America we eat man semen.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
