just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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