Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
