He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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