I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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