I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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