put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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