I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
