Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
