Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
