so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
