She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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