i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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