My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
