He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
