Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
