Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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