I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize