Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize