yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize