How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
