Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
