I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize