im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
