For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
