Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
