Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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