His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
