For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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