i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We're too hungover to prance.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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