it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
