So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have surprise drugs for everyone
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
