You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
