In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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