i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
