Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
