now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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