I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
