dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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