hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
