That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
