Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
