when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
