the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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