We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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