thus making me awesome and them whores
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
