so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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