Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
