Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
