I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
