i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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