Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They took my balls.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize