doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
