PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
