Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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