I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
