There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
