and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
