Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
