ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
