I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
