How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
True college students do jello shots in the library
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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