Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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