in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
