lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
