it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
