Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
