What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
