i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize