o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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