we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
