I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
