therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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