dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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