capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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